Sacrificing the Wrong Things

I was shocked! I could not believe what my peers where saying! That week was one of the most eye-opening for me—and not just because I was at “MK rehab” (as I like to call it).
But, let me a back up a bit. You see, I grew up all my life as a missionary’s kid (MK). I was not too thrilled to be back in the States and away from all that I knew as home, but there I was. My family and I had decided that going to an MK re-entry program would help transition me from Ecuador back to the U.S. culture—and it did. I was expecting to learn a lot about the lingo and customs, the food and habits, the culture and look of Americans and how to fit into it all. What I didn’t expect was the encounter and lessons I learned from other MKs like myself. I was shocked to hear that more than half of these “saintly kids” struggled with suicide and hatred towards missions, towards their parents and even towards God. How could this be? I loved Ecuador, I loved God, I loved the ministry, and I loved my family. Why would we, who could relate to each other’s experiences so well, have such different viewpoints on life, ministry and God?
As it is with most questions, the answers are found with an attentive ear. What did all those kids who hated the ministry to which their parents had given their lives have in common? They had been sacrificed--abandoned. Oh, their parents loved them and would not have classified sending their kids to boarding schools at the tender age of five or being engulfed with ministry as abandonment, but I believe it was. Please, don’t get me wrong, my heart goes out to the parents as well. I imagine that for most, leaving their kids to sitters or schools was the hardest thing they ever sacrificed for God. I would guess their hearts were in the right place as they devoted their lives to teaching and serving others. However, sincerity of heart will not, in most cases, seem justifiable to those sacrificed. Some have discovered, too late, that all along they were sacrificing the wrong things.
Sacrificing the wrong things applies not only to missionaries, but also to pastors, teachers, youth ministers, children’s ministers and all those in ministry with family. It’s easy to condemn corporate fathers for their obsession with work at expense of their families, but it is unthinkable to question those whose “work” involves devoting their lives to service to God. Yet, the results are the same. Many times, we forget God instituted the family before He instituted anything else. That means family came right after man's relationship with God, before work and even before the church. Some, of course, may point to the fact that Christ said, “if anyone comes to me and does not hate his father and mother, his wife and children…and even his own life—he cannot be my disciple” (Lk. 14:26). However, the parallel passage in Mt. 10:37 makes it clear that, taken in context, this passage is dealing with the issues of putting Christ first.
The question then becomes, what does putting Christ first look like? It looks like we forsake ourselves in pursuit of doing His will—living out the principles He set forth in Scripture. If we look at the OT, we can see how God placed an emphasis on taking care of family. Exemplifying this is His command to the Israelites that a newly wed man was to devote his first year to his wife.
Next, we could turn to Christ on the cross, and in the midst of His agony, taking the laborious breaths to insure the well-being of His mother. Or even more convincing is a look at Paul’s strong words to Timothy, “If anyone does not provide for his relatives and especially for his immediate family, he has denied the faith and is worse than an unbeliever” (I Tim. 5:8).
The Bible not only makes it clear that parents have a responsibility to their children, but it also places a strong—maybe even stronger—emphasis on the relationships between husbands and wives. They may also sacrifice each other at times. The high divorce rate among ministers makes this evident. Christians are prone to letting ministry to others get in the way of their responsibility and ministry to family. We must realize the importance of family. Paul, in describing what an elder should be, refers to an elder’s family to define his qualification to lead the church. Failure to lead their family disqualifies them from any other leadership! If they cannot lead those whom they should know best, why should they attempt to lead those they know even less?
Despite the Bible’s emphasis on family, Christians have a tendency to honor those ministers who consume themselves with “ministry” and applaud those who would sacrifice their family for it. Several years ago, I read a book called From Jerusalem to Iran Jaya. It was the history of the spread of the Gospel throughout the world. It retold the lives of missionaries showing the good and bad of these God-fearing men and women. None were perfect. Among the many traits the book there was one that could be praised by some and condemned by others—that of sacrificing their families for their ministries. While these men and women were praised, what has been forgotten is that their ministry was first and foremost to their family. The families of these "heroes of the faith" suffered greatly. For example, William Carey's wife was described by their friends as having gone mad. David Livingston in his own words "orphanized his children.” On top of this, his wife "lapsed into spiritual darkness." And on and on the story goes. Surely, this is not God's desire or design. Surely, His heart breaks for those being hurt—being sacrificed, especially when it’s done in His name.
When parents in ministry invest in their families, their ministries will glorify God more. A family that has been sacrificed will not promote the work, but time invested in ministering to one’s own family has the possibility of increasing the crop many times over. On the one hand, a Godly, healthy family is a strong testimony to those in the church and the world. This world lacks and longs for examples of such a family in this tattered world. Not only is a healthy family one that sets the stage and gives credibility to the Gospel, but a healthy family will also produce posterity to carry out the work. In other words, time invested in family is time invested in the future. Those MKs that forsook their parents’ faith did not contribute to the spread of the Word, but those that fell in love with the mission, whose parents had passed on their love for the Lord, for the people, and for the call, are now either supporting missions, encouraging others to go or have even accepted the call themselves. Their parents can pass the baton to them.
This is true of my life. My father once said that the real test of his parenting was not if we followed Christ, but if his grandchildren and great grandchildren did. He was called to the field and like most has struggled with balancing ministry to others and his ministry to family, but he worked at it. I loved the mission field even though ministry took so much of my father's time. In the later years of my life in Ecuador, my father made a real effort to be involved in the lives of his children. He involved us in his ministry by taking us calling, to studies, and sharing with us some of what was going on. He made an effort to teach the discipleship groups we were in and tried to set aside a day in which we could have a “date” with him. My mother poured herself into teaching and raising us. She did her best to protect us and guide us as we grew and adjusted. All of my parents’ efforts have paid off. My husband and I are preparing to go to the mission field, and my brother and sister-in-law are honoring God with their lives as well.
So many MKs I have known, who've been sent to boarding schools, sacrificed for their parent's ministries, have left the field embittered towards all that would be called Christian. The same applies to those whose parents minister in local congregations here in the U.S. The ministry is one of the greatest yet toughest calls to answer. It requires so much, but the rewards are innumerable. In the same vein, balancing ministry according to God’s heart is tough, but how much better is it when a Godly man finds that devoting himself to family and then ministry reaps not only a fruitful ministry but also posterity to carry it forth?